Human

For every winner,
there is one who must lose...
For one who rejoices, there is one that screams heavily in pain.
For every heavenly pleasure received, there is an abundance of blood shed.

Every charity given, there is equal malice.
The world is of each cold and warm.
The world meaning us as people...ever flowing fickle.

Never comfortable.

A burning sensation will ease to morphine.
But laughs and happiness will subside.
Sadness and redicule can and will live inside of you, and him, and her...but can lift to content and praise.

Godliness will fall and give way to evil daily.
While forcefulness will eventually give way to silence.
Hate will always conjure...
All the while allowing love to cure the madness.
But as always kindness will never remain sober.

And on and on.

For there is black and white.
On and off.
Day and night
Failure  and redemption.
No once has the antidote for humaness.
No one.

-Me again :)

Change

The end. 
The end of being a girl.
The end of being complient .
The end of not feeling good enough.
The end of eating poorly.
The end of always looking for more.
The end of creating my own suffering.
The end of holding on and not giving space. 
The end of berating myself for my mistakes and flaws.

The beginning.
The beginning of being a woman.
The beginning of demanding respect.
The beginning of accepting my confidence.
The beginning of self control.
The beginning of taking responsibility for my actions and emotions.
The beginning of enjoying experiences as the come and go, or last.
The beginning of taking care of my physical body.
The beginning of creating experiences. 

Continuing.
Continue seeing the best in people.
Continue giving without having to receive.
Continue to love without receiving it.
Continue to uplift friends.
Continue to accept my past.
Continue not pushing parts and special people out of my life away.
Continue forgiving.
Continue apologising.
Continue having hope.

-Ebony [^_^] TODAY!

Trying to Let Go

I never held you above my head, just at my heart. I never pretended but I was hopeful. My heart was full, until it exploded. That day. The pieces all over the room. The sight...I can still remember. You didn't understand. The pieces...still on these walls... Still bloodied. Still bothered. I will soon clean them....but not today.
For I know I will look at this room and smile at the stains.
I always learn from pain...

-Ebony 4.6.2014  :)

Random OutBurst 2

Don't you love people that internet comment "Who cares"?

Right on a celebrity subject whose interest supposedly isn't thiers.

They complain about the title hater, 
And that the criticism from the stans isn't fair.

Then why in the hell did you click, type, submit, then share.

The more I read these blogs, the more i notice that this occurrence isnt rare.

Just saw this on one of those Beyonce post.

As a member of the #beyhive,
I be so mad, I swear.

Lol

-Ebony

Driving

Vivid pictures of what once was.

Constantly looking through the rear view mirror, wondering should you merge...

What was, now driven by.

Just that image in the rear view mirror.

You could go fast and avoid what’s behind you.

Or, you could go slow and see them move past you.

Will they hover next to you?

Probably not.

They're in their own lane.

Their own car.

They're in the left, the fast lane.

You're in the right.

If they were to pass you, would you feel left behind?

Maybe...

Would you still keep going?

Probably.

Just a car on a highway.

Destination, unknown.

No GPS.

Using direction internally.

Hoping this gas lasts eternally.

-Ebony :)

Random Beliefs 1

Marriage is not an important thing to
me. 

There is no real "sanctity of marriage".

Being married isn't a magical
cheating/lying/deceiving blocker. I
don't know why people get married
for reasons other than the legality of
it. It's the actual relationship that
matters. I know its supposed to be a
life long commitment, but you can
form that without a marriage. 

A spiritual connection.

An understanding between you and your significant other (and deity if you're religious). Just think, if
more people would say "let us spend
the rest of our lives together" and do
that without the pressure that so
called marriages carry. What would happen? 

Well, I think that some relationships would fall. Some would say "you have no ring, I have no devotion to you" (which is the issue, is that what you need?), but some would flower. Without the pressures of bible bound commitment , witnesses, expectations (this word in itself is an issue), some might feel free to actually .........love.

Just think about how you have had life long loving friendships. Did you guys vow, hold a ceremony, and sign/seal/deliver it in front of a bunch of people. 

Of course not! Sounds kinda crazy, doesn't it?

I tell you what you might have done. You might have pinky promised, hand shaked, held a cute meeting, verbally expressed, etc what you thought or wanted your friendship to be.

While a significant other is different in the sexual and desire aspect, the thought process is still the same.

If plans don't pan out, you can "divorce" without all
of the fireworks that it carries.

Marriage seems more like a "you
can't have anyone else" trap (false
sense of security). Almost as if you need a weight holding you down, to not stray. Like you have this force that you cannot let die.

I myself have been caught up in the serious relationship/marriage hype, but I have realized that in a relationship: the amount of time you've been together with someone, getting married , trials and tribulations you go through together, "love", etc... doesn't matter if just one person loses interests or wants out. Not one bit. Those things are meaningless. It's all about the present.

Why get married? What is the point? 
That sad day may still come. May not.

Well, you might think...what about SC? 

I say that a spiritual connection understanding is not a marriage. There is no false hope, there are no promises, no pressure. Perhaps laying negative cards on the table and analyzing it. Just letting the person know where you stand and what you hope your relationship to be. If it fails, then well....we can try to fix it or go our separate ways. No angry witnesses and no broken expectations. 

I don't want you weighted to me, bound to me, promised to me in front of a crowd of witnesses. I want you here because you want to.

However though, it's easier said than done. Even the person writing these words. I have had this way of thinking for a long time, but when I get in relationships, my tune sometimes changes. Sometimes I actually try to bind someone to me. It happens, but when the relationship fails or I get the proper amount of time to actually analyze and access the issue, I always come back to this point. 

This is just me and my little random beliefs. Drop a comment if you want! Lets talk about it....

:)

Random OutBurst 1

I'm not ashamed of my problems, my mistakes.
Going hard, in the fast lane, no time to push on the brakes.
Pain, pride, passion, those situations I make.
Slow progression, wrong perception, the wrong mirror of me you take.
Lower the stakes.
Buddhism telling me high expectations was the reasons for our sake.
Our relationship, I couldn't shape
Not your superwoman, can't wear the cape.

Not myself anymore

A person trying to appease you,
Like, turned to love, turn to attachment, didn't mean to.
If I could love men and still be myself, maybe it wouldn't fall through.
In relationships, always a shift, somebody drifts, if I could just stay cool.
let them go, they come back, greatest lesson since school.
But I've always been the person to think I'm the exception to the rule.
I push, you pull.

Hopefully you don't feel opposite of love, and I'm not talking hate.

But I'm still not ashamed.

Apologizing, texting, messaging, calling, totally took the blame.
Owned up to my mistakes, hoped you'd do the same.
Not mad, acceptance.
That cause and effect I heard about finally came.
Karma
Not hating you, we're both the same.
What life's about, these emotions, actions, thoughts, ours to tame.
Probably tired of me, need a break, perhaps forget you know my name.

I'm growing, and this is beautiful.

No longer afraid of anyones separation.
Although reading about 4 noble truths, still allowed to have hope of reconciliation
Self realization
Finding a strategy to life
More than just a relationship, a path that led me to a light.
I'm not going to explain, as it's early on in this fight.
But there's a reason for everything, if you don't wish to speak to me, that is beyond your right.

Again, acceptance.

Using my best sense
What I don't want, the opposite of letting go
hindrance
Not holding on, away, not dense.
What I've always lacked, self control, introspective.....patience

-Ebony 05.07.2014 [^_^]