Just Wonderin

Now, don't take this as a threat to suicide...
But have you ever just pondered "to die"?
The meaning of death:
Gone. Non existent. Out. Never again. Disappeared.
That silence of the the heart, that constant chatter of the brain, never to hear.....
Again,
No more brain activity.
No more ways to think of how to thrive...No more productivity.
Just silence. 
Perhaps a dark state....No vibrance. 
To get rid of sight, smell, hearing, taste, and touch,
Frankly to say, no sense.
Tired of this.
Just no comprehension of the word "miss".
Gone to others.
Rivers of rain casts from my mother's
Tears....
Funeral processions, 
filled with memories and lessons, visions of me not...
"here".
Reasons why I decided to take my life...
Unclear.
Warning signs, predictions, realities,
Fears.
Yes, I'm questioning my life right now...
But I hold on to it dear-ly.
Thinking about death, but I won't waste my reality.
Really.
Think about it all...my actions...my worth...
Real clearly.
However, it hurts. 
So I fantasize sheerly .
Afraid to continue to live the life I'm livin'.
What happens to a girl who herself to the world is always given.
Away, I say to this place my soul is taken. 
My acceptance of life, my hopes, so called dreams.
Always shaken.
Reasons to stay in this universe,
Irresistibly hard to rake in.
Constant doubt.
No fear of controlled death, 
These thoughts of the brain,
far out.
Though, I'm not afraid to go there.
To run miles in my head, then to stop and stare...at every sick part,
I'm not scared.

-Me :)